so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
