You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
