The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
