Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
