i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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