I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
