I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
