you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
