My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
