This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
