I wish my penis had an off switch
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
