I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
