why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
