Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
