My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
