she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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