I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
