I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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