Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
