Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
