new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
