Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
