So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
