where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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