I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
