Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
