We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
