Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
