I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
