It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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