when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
