whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't deserve a penis
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
