So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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