Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
