I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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