I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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