I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
