Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
