Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
