distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
