He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
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