Farmville is her only friend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
