I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
