Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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