Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
