Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am midnight drunk by noon
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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