I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
