He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
