did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
