Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
