i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
